Been an age since I blogged last….

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Hmmm….let’s see. So after the July 5K I somehow put back 5(1 for each K?) pounds. Now I’m registered for another 5K in October! I have to start treading again, and am thinking about a new pair of walkers. The ones I have are several years old, and the things break down so easily.

I need to make a commitment to, with and FOR myself to eat better. I’ve joined a food journaling group on FB, but they have a set phone meeting Wednesday mornings and I work full time (not at home)  I will have to see if I can do an earlier lunch.

So here goes….another 5K coming up, and today is get ready to love your treadmill day.

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Shopping and walking again!

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Well….today I shopped. Massachusetts has a tax free weekend this weekend. I didn’t buy any major appliances, fur coats, pots n pans or such. I did use a gift card and got a new pair of pants I needed desperately, and a new work-out tee for a total of $5.60! That was the price of the tee on clearance so the $30 pants were free. As my bestie Lynn says…If it’s FREE, it’s for ME!

Steve and I went out for lunch at Panera’s. Their lemon chicken orzo soup is great! Had fun at breakfast too, meeting April (my late niece’s friend) and two of her three boys with my sister. Such adorable, handsome young men! 🙂

Had a ‘craving’ to spend money. DANGEROUS for me…instead, I used the merchandise credit I had. Feel good about that.

OMG I’m so bloated it’s horrible. Since my last 5K a few weeks ago….(my FIRST 5K!) I figure I had better get back on the mill and start walking again. I hear that 10,000 steps a day is optimal. I have to wonder if my weight has a direct correlation on the amount of hot flashes I have. Mind you, the INSTANT I get into bed upstairs I know it’ll start. I turn the fan on next to my side of the bed, and just wait till it passes. What a deal…NOT!

So, tonight I start walking and drinking water again. There’s another 5K color run coming up north of Boston soon….have to check that race out and see if it’s a possibility. 🙂

Frustrate and depressed

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and trying NOT to eat a path through Richmond. Not really working. I HAVE made a NSV milestone, however.  Tonight I had a cheeseburger club (1 1/3) and decided NOT to take the caloric guilt into the shower with me. NO self-hatred because I ate something that I enjoyed!  Realistically, it was not the best choice, and tomorrow I’ll make better choices.  It was the only bad choice today, actually. Protein shake, shrimp and soba noodles…and a not so hot day at the office made that cheeseburger club taste soooo good. There. I did it. It’s done. It’s over with. Tomorrow is a new day.

For FRIEND MAKIN’ MONDAYS :) (All The Weigh)

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1.  My daughter, son-in-law and husband…I’m grateful my husband saved my life the other night, and my daughter and son-in-law love me and my whacked out sense of humor.

2.   Animals….most of them are far nicer than the people I run into every day.

3.  Reading blogs written by folks with similar issues!

4.  Boston – I call it home, and love the Sox and the Pats. Have all my life.  Learned about the game while listening to my father scream and sky rocket his blood pressure every season!

5.  COFFEE.  The elixir of life! A good espresso is worth its weight in gold.

6.  Imp, our cat. She rules the roost and we’re only here to make sure she eats on time. We rescued her a few years ago after our other black cat, Velvet died. Imp can’t ever replace him, but she lives up to her name, for sure! LOL…she’s a wing-nut and fits right in with this family!

7.  Doing the Color Me Rad walk/run with my daughter this past Saturday. Had so much fun!! It was my first 5K and she has me wanting to do another at night in October! It’s called The Electric Run and sounds awesome! (I might be ‘old’ but I ain’t dead!)

8.  Friends. I’ve long believed that friends are the family you WISH you had, and so often mean more to us than those who share our DNA.

9.  The bunnies that have eaten all my parsley and keep munching on the new grass here. We’ve had so much rain lately that they’ve all gotten chubby and as cute as can be.

10. Waking up every day. We never know when we won’t have that gift any more. God has allowed me to get to know Him my own way, helped me through so many struggles, taught me so much about myself! I have a difficult disease I struggle to live with every day, but it’s not the worst that could happen. There is always a bright side, and God willing, I’ll get to wake up again tomorrow with another chance to do the best I can. 🙂

 

Happy Indepence Day!!

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Well, it’s July 4th once again. My eating has been less than stellar, my exercise non-existent. I go through phases where I’m highly motivated, and then not at all. I have to wonder how this correlates to my depression.

What makes me totally nuts is how some on Facebook will post pictures of themselves in every blasted flexing pose they can think of. Are they really celebrating their weight loss and muscle growth? Are they so self-absorbed that their egos suck up the rest of our air supply like a vacuum? Or am I just jealous that my weight loss hasn’t gone as I’d hoped?

So today we spend the day thanking God for our freedom and eating burgers, hot dogs, corn on the cob, lobstah, pies, desserts and for some of us, protein shakes. Here’s to life, liberty and the pursuit of fewer fat cells and leaner muscles….maybe by next year I’ll have set a goal to be in a bathing suit that doesn’t make me feel depressed as I do today…and reached it!

Will I EVER learn??

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Well, I’ve done it again. Went to a restaurant next to work because I was too lazy to bring lunch from home. (those candies won’t crush themselves, after all!) I order a fried chicken breast sandwich…then I figure…let me order something healthier. I order fish. HELLO…IT’S FRIED?!?

So much for healthier. I ate a big portion of the fish – losing ‘only some’ of the coating, and tossed the rest. I am so wishing I’d made a salad or brought a shake or did something, ANTHING better than this choice. And while I waited for it to be cooked where was my mind?  NOT on the bad choice I’d just made or choosing a better option….not even on cancelling it (heaven forfend!) and risking total momentary embarrassment. Hell no…my mind was on planning dinner out with friends for the coming weeks and the next level in Bubble Witch Saga!

SERIOUSLY?? WHAT was I thinking? We all know I wasn’t, but that’s beside the point. I finished as much as I could/wanted/dared to eat and thought…WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN?? These habits and nasty choices GOT me 100 pounds overweight…a life-altering forever changed kind of surgical choice got me 85 pounds healthier before I gained back 30. I’m down another 5, and go and eat one of the baddest choices there is to choose.

So, my question is WHY do we repeatedly make the same choices, beating our heads against the wall, beating ourselves up afterwards, and in the WLS patient sense, physically suffering for up to 8 hours after? I know old habits die hard, but I’m almost 7 yrs post-op now! Part of this for me, is that once I was healed physically, I was made to feel badly by hubby who was afraid I’d  find someone else – as if there could BE anyone better? Not likely. And my sister, who I love dearly, but was envious that my weight was coming off in a snap, while hers was non-surgical and much slower. Point is I LET them sabotage me. So I guess in a way, all three of us conspired to push my ‘honeymoon phase’ off track.

Having recently been to the WLSFA fundraiser in Vegas just last month, I came home with new resolution and new resolve to be the best ME I can and put my health concerns first. And to some extent I have – docs appts, walking 2 miles a day and far more seriously training for my first 5K with my daughter, but the food? Not so much. I was so mad when I went to my check up for my diabetes and found my A1c went up FIVE POINTS to 8.5 in just a few months! OMG it was lower before the Vegas resolve!

I’m drinking more water, eating well for the most part, and choosing different snacks now – the healthier kind – most of the time. I’m walking 1.5 to 2 miles a day six out of seven days a week, and I’m starting to feel like YES, dammit I’M WORTH IT. The sacrifice of a fleeting delicious sensation of certain foods that will only do more damage. I’m worth that. The boredom of writing down each blood sugar draw, each morsel eaten, the calories, the protein, the carbs, the dosage taken if any – logging in the water per day, the exercise per day. YES, I’M WORTH IT.  My unhappiness in myself and the outcome is a direct result of the work I’ve put in lately. Which ain’t as much as I want it to be. We ARE a people who now expect instant gratification. Feh! I’ve told my daughter that anything worth having is NEVER easy, and it’s usually not quick. Sure, I’d love to wake up thin the way I remember waking up a size 24 one day, but that’s not honest. No more kidding myself, at least not today. This is my struggle today. Time to do better….because I know better. 

WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU DO BETTER. – Maya Angelou

wrist surgery…hmmph!

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This past Friday I had wrist surgery for a tendonitis issue.  Can we say ouch? I hate taking pain meds, so I’ve only used them two nights. I almost don’t wanna go to work tomorrow either. One thing though…:) I’ve lost a few pounds. I am dragging my ass and not really training for this upcoming 5K…my first! I really don’t care how fast I walk…(can’t run for cardiac reasons) but I just wanna make sure I survive it! 🙂 I’m sure I will…I’m not a tough ole broad for nothing! I do have to call my doctors office tomorrow…I just can’t imagine leaving this bandage on until the 20th?

Ever since the WLSFA event in Vegas I’ve felt stronger and more motivated to make the most of my tool. I feel tons better since I started eating clean again. That event was SO worth it! Met some great people, laughed almost non-stop, came home with tons of protein sample swag and learned soooo much!! Now I just need to make sure this wrist injury heals :).